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Sunday 29 March 2015

happiness

it's been long since i ever blogged even though i said i will start updating it regularly............... but i doubt there is anyone reading this space still. school have been really busy but i'm glad my poly life have unofficially came to an end before the start of uni.

so the purpose of me coming back to this space today its because i have some thoughts that i wish to pen it down. it brings unhappiness when i start ranting on twitter so i have concluded that this space will be of a good choice for me since its a dead space and i doubt anyone will read it.

happiness, what does it mean to everyone? i assumed everyone have their own definition of happiness and for me it's simple - my happiness is about having my other half with me and most importantly, him to be well and healthy. i need no gifts and surprises constantly, honestly. i mean ya, who doesn't love gifts and surprises? i'm a girl and i admit i love it but if all these means sacrificing my partner's health then i would rather not have it. i am not someone that sacrifices my partner's health just for that few seconds, minutes or maybe hours of happiness. how can all these happiness be compared to having a healthy partner? for my partner to be healthy and well, without skipping any meals just to save up for gifts to surprise me, is all i ever ask for in a relationship. oh and of course, him being sincere and truthful, and loving me for who i am wholeheartly is also something i asked for. this 4 things is all i need in a relationship, is that simple. but does anyone understand this and know what i really want? i doubt so.

i hate how at times, i'm being misunderstand and being pictured in another way that i hate to be. even after explaining and explaining, things don't change. it probably change for a few days but when shits happen, all these come back and i swear, it hurts, really. no words can describe how much i hate being pictured in another way that i am not. i hate being what you have pictured me as, so why would i do something i don't want myself to be? annoyed, pissed, hurt and any other words you can think of are just understatement. i don't know how to feel but i know i will never failed to flare up whenever such shits happen because it clearly shows your understanding towards me. just who am i, and what am i in your eyes? i really wish to know.

at times i wish i can read your mind, but then i'm afraid to because they are so scary. your thoughts are so scary then it ruins me and probably us......................... i know i have to love you for who you are and being understanding but who will ever understand the pain that i am going through? i don't suffer any lesser. i love you and i really do, but i hate being treated this way and feeling this way, it's just so unfair.......................

i'm sad, i'm hurt and i'm broken. i wish all these misery will come to an end but i'm pretty sure it will happen again and it's just a matter of time. but for now, i just wish i'm stronger, and i have to learn to be strong to overcome all these obstacles, right? really hoping all these will never happen ever again. i miss the old you. to a better future ahead for us, i love you..................

Monday 16 June 2014

"do you know how much thinking and feeling i've done? it's terrible."

"I felt like crying but nothing came out. it was just a sort of sad sickness, sick sad, when you can’t feel any worse. I think you know it. I think everybody knows it now and then. but I think I have known it pretty often, too often." - (via tumblr)

its the small things that make a big difference

Wednesday 4 June 2014

"flipping calendars and watching the months follow each other up the walls"


have you ever felt like you're out of the world and everywhere you go, you just don't seems to fit in? those days when you feel like you don't belong to anywhere and you just want to be alone by shutting yourself from the world. i don't really like the feeling of loneliness, but as ironic as it may sound, i love being alone at times. and times like this, will you start asking yourself questions like "where are those people that said they will be here for you?" or "does those people around me truly understand me? do they really need me in their life?" oh and not forgetting, i am really amazed by how scary some people and their actions can be. humans are complicated isn't?  

Monday 21 April 2014

eleutheromania - an intense and irresistible desire for freedom

finally met my loveliest bunch of friends, ot12 on friday for dinner and tgif after that. they being the sweetest bunch of friends celebrated phan's and my birthday in advance!! thanks for everything babies ^.^




loveliest charm from loveliest friends

mandatory group shot in zouk's toilet HAHAHAHA





what's party without my zoukcats?






won't deny that it was a great night because 9 out of 12 people from the clique finally went clubbing together after talking about it for so long and not forgetting i met my dearest bf inside too, love how he spam me with hugs and kisses that night *shy* hehe. truly blessed to have these groups of friends, to more birthday celebrations and parties together, love you all x

Wednesday 16 April 2014

7 - 9th March bf's 20th birthday

Hello everybody! I know i've been delaying this post for way too long... it's been more than a month since bf's birthday ooops. But anyway, we have a 3D2N staycation at M Hotel to celebrate bf's 20th. Not sure if he was surprised bcus he was being an asshole HAHAHAHA. Really thankful to those who helped and came, it won't be a success without them!









































Spent our first night watching movie and chatting. Woke up to these faces, what more can i ask for? Dragged ourselves down for buffet breakfast and k.o the moment we return to our room. We were the zombies eating breakfast that morning.






First night was celebration with our poly friends and bf's friends on the second night. 






the boy's face was as red as an apple HAHHAHAHA 

and toilet became his best friend that night





I had fun that day, i hope the boy and everyone enjoyed themselves too x